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What Comes Next?
2025.06.17 | by Kailyn ChuI just graduated from university!
Well actually, I graduated officially in September of last year, but I only recently attended my convocation ceremony. I suppose that was the moment that truly made it feel a lot more official. Despite the fact that I received my diploma a few weeks earlier, I don’t think it had really hit me then that it was all over.
My experience with graduations have always been a little strange, since the only one I’ve experienced properly was back at the end of middle school. And that one I barely remember now because it was almost a decade ago. And besides how would I ever have known then to truly appreciate the experience, since there was no way to know that I would never have a formal high school graduation ceremony thanks to the COVID lockdowns.
It felt so sudden back then; sitting in my bedroom, at my desk, facing a screen. There was no big send off, no grand ceremony, nothing changed around me and yet, a formative part of my life and education had ended. My high school administration was too hopeful back then too. While a lot of other schools planned an online graduation ceremony, mine decided not to, instead promising us a ceremony in November “when everything was better” during the next school term. Of course that never happened because, well, things didn’t get better for a long time.
Then, of course, I would start my four year university program online as well. At the beginning I thought it was actually kind of a good thing, not that a global pandemic is good, but it meant I didn’t have to wake up early for classes and I would save money from not having to commute. And as an introvert, I didn’t feel the isolation until much later. It would be two years before I actually got to go to school, and meet my professors and classmates, which is when I realized that we all had much less time to form connections with each other, something I already found hard to do on a regular basis (but that’s more of a me problem). It was so strange, being two years into the program but feeling socially like a new student.
And now it’s already over. So what comes next? This question has plagued my mind for a long time now. There are things that I know I want to do; write a book, a comic, grow my portfolio, start a shop. In the last few months I’ve struggled with knowing where and how to start, but there’s always been this level of fear around it. I started my YouTube channel in September last year, after I officially finished school, but honestly there are times when I think that I should have started sooner, even though I recognize there’s nothing I can do about that now. But still, despite knowing what I want out of my career in art, and doing what I think is necessary to achieve that, I can’t help but feel like I’m moving too slowly, or not doing enough. I know that’s just my anxiety and self-doubt talking, and I just have to keep at it.
My YouTube channel
At the same time though, I’ve also been dealing with a bit of burnout, both physically and creatively. It might also have to do with the stress around graduation, but as it turns out, making drawings every week for two-thirds of a year can get pretty draining. I struggle sometimes with allowing myself to take breaks, mostly because of the aforementioned thoughts about feeling too slow in my progress, and I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist. I tend to work on my projects for a very long time, spending hours trying to make it the best version possible, so it feels like every minute I’m not working is being wasted.
Of course this is not healthy, and it’s something I’m actively working on. Which is why I adjusted my YouTube upload schedule to every two weeks instead of one. Hopefully this more relaxed schedule can allow me to work on some other projects that I have wanted to pursue, as well as take some stress off. It really helps to remind myself that some other bigger channels have more people like editors working behind the scenes and I don’t have to put so much pressure on myself to do it all so quickly.
Although it seems like this post is rather depressing, I certainly didn’t mean for it to be. Perhaps there are others out there that share my feelings on these experiences, and it can be a reminder that you are not alone. So I’ll say this as well. Take care of yourself, everyone deserves a break sometimes even if it’s just going outside and taking a walk, it doesn’t make you any less hardworking. Also remember to stretch and drink water.
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